I've had to ask myself today, after the 'Star Power' game whether or not Social work is really for me. I feel so.. lost and inundated from this major right now. I feel the way Marjorie used to look. She would just stare at me, and now I do the same to other people. I am finding that I am not sure I want this work. Do I really have the heart for it? Do I want to help people who don't even thank or appreciate me? I am not sure this is even interesting to me. I feel guilty too- I feel like somehow the fact that I don't want to be a social work major makes me a bad person or it means I don't care. Of course this isn't true... I do care, and I don't like to see other people suffer, but I must ask myself is this the kind of work I want to do day in and day out? Am I in my element?
The star power game we played today in class really made me do some introspection. I'm not sure I am a good/ nice person. I feel awful today. Man, these 3 class days are just too much.. never again. Alright I have to read for my next class. peace.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
not social work but...
you know in your heart natalie. yoga and healthy lifestyle. Exercise used to give you peace, but you've slowed down some. It's ok, all dieters experience this at some point, but the important part is to keep going and to keep that dream alive in your heart. You will get there. One day at a time... Keep it strong, keep it interesting :) keep reading, hydrating, and researching.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Intervieweing Tonya
I've been so interested in the economic crisis lately, I've been asking just about everyone what they think, and what they've seen. I don't remember everything that Tonya told me this time, but I know that it's sitting in the back of my mind waiting to be called out.
Human services has been hit pretty hard, and for what they do, it's the wrong place to be depleted of resources. more people need help, more severe mental health problems seem to be popping up, and there are less caseworkers employed to help them. Programs are getting cut. People are left to flounder without help.
Human services has been hit pretty hard, and for what they do, it's the wrong place to be depleted of resources. more people need help, more severe mental health problems seem to be popping up, and there are less caseworkers employed to help them. Programs are getting cut. People are left to flounder without help.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
de compressing after an altercation
I'm going to try not to let this turn into a rant. After this event, I had the opportunity to try out what I learned about dealing with 'harassers' on Friday. It's really hard to de-escalate a situation, and then to de-compress myself.
I am really grateful that the college sets aside money for events like this, because having Janet Chisolm here was about $300, and the event was an hour and a half. After being at a poorer college, I really appreciate NCC and what they try to do for students.
Janet shared some stories about people in history who have had to stand up for peace in non-violent ways.. including Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr, and their followers. During the Civil rights training though, they would practice even harder, by putting cigarette butts out on each other's head. How do you act calmly and empathetically when someone is attacking you? Think over your fight or flight response, and keep the ends in mind.
The path to peace and consensus is not an easy path. The way that one meets a situation.. with dignity, and respect for the other human being, greatly affects the outcome. Violence breeds violence.
See the common humanity in others.. another big one. It requires that we step outside ourselves.
The students were split into two lines.. the harassers and the promoters of peace. The harassers has to.. harass. And the hippies had to disarm the harassers.. find common ground, use words, body language, questions! I was a harasser twice in a row.. the first time I was exceptionally good at harassing.. I made it difficult for the girl. I got in her face and just ranted. I knew within the first few seconds that she wasn't going to retort with me, it's human nature. I could feel myself taking on the role with surprising ease.. I felt guilty afterwards and apologized, but she seemed amused. On round two, I had run out of steam, and the other girl asked me a question. She disarmed me. 'What if someone you know lost their job? It could happen to anyone you know.' (the theme was homeless shelters) I didn't have an answer.
Round three, we switched sides. I had a new partner to bark at me. She did a good job, it was hard for me to calm her down and reason with her.
I know the dynamics are different when it's not a pretend setting, and lucky me! On Friday I had an 18 year old flip out in a group I am working with, and used what I learned. Yay!
To make a long story short, we approached her to talk about when we were going to get together and put together the power point, and she blew up. It literally came out of nowhere. Our other classmates/ her friends were there giggling. I left high school 5 years ago, or at least I thought I did.
I could see human nature at work. She wasn't making eye contact with me, only with Nabil the international student. He wouldn't bite back, it's safer. I could feel myself getting angry, my legs quivering. But losing control will only make the situation escalate. It took me about 1 minute to get my bearings straight. Then I said "You must have felt frustrated when you didn't receive Nabil's interview over spring break"
And so we switched the focus to her feelings. This is called 'transferrance' in social work I believe. She then said that she wanted to experience the joy of the process of making a group presentation, and felt we weren't cooperating with her.
In the end, the situation was de-escalated and now we have plans to work together next Tuesday. I am determined to end on good terms with all groups I work with.
The hard part for me of promoting peace is diffusing afterwards. My heart still carries anger today, and I am still shaken up. I think that is the next step, how do I resolve the situation, and then go back to focusing on what I need to do? How do I refocus my energy where it needs to be- in my own life?
I am really grateful that the college sets aside money for events like this, because having Janet Chisolm here was about $300, and the event was an hour and a half. After being at a poorer college, I really appreciate NCC and what they try to do for students.
Janet shared some stories about people in history who have had to stand up for peace in non-violent ways.. including Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr, and their followers. During the Civil rights training though, they would practice even harder, by putting cigarette butts out on each other's head. How do you act calmly and empathetically when someone is attacking you? Think over your fight or flight response, and keep the ends in mind.
The path to peace and consensus is not an easy path. The way that one meets a situation.. with dignity, and respect for the other human being, greatly affects the outcome. Violence breeds violence.
See the common humanity in others.. another big one. It requires that we step outside ourselves.
The students were split into two lines.. the harassers and the promoters of peace. The harassers has to.. harass. And the hippies had to disarm the harassers.. find common ground, use words, body language, questions! I was a harasser twice in a row.. the first time I was exceptionally good at harassing.. I made it difficult for the girl. I got in her face and just ranted. I knew within the first few seconds that she wasn't going to retort with me, it's human nature. I could feel myself taking on the role with surprising ease.. I felt guilty afterwards and apologized, but she seemed amused. On round two, I had run out of steam, and the other girl asked me a question. She disarmed me. 'What if someone you know lost their job? It could happen to anyone you know.' (the theme was homeless shelters) I didn't have an answer.
Round three, we switched sides. I had a new partner to bark at me. She did a good job, it was hard for me to calm her down and reason with her.
I know the dynamics are different when it's not a pretend setting, and lucky me! On Friday I had an 18 year old flip out in a group I am working with, and used what I learned. Yay!
To make a long story short, we approached her to talk about when we were going to get together and put together the power point, and she blew up. It literally came out of nowhere. Our other classmates/ her friends were there giggling. I left high school 5 years ago, or at least I thought I did.
I could see human nature at work. She wasn't making eye contact with me, only with Nabil the international student. He wouldn't bite back, it's safer. I could feel myself getting angry, my legs quivering. But losing control will only make the situation escalate. It took me about 1 minute to get my bearings straight. Then I said "You must have felt frustrated when you didn't receive Nabil's interview over spring break"
And so we switched the focus to her feelings. This is called 'transferrance' in social work I believe. She then said that she wanted to experience the joy of the process of making a group presentation, and felt we weren't cooperating with her.
In the end, the situation was de-escalated and now we have plans to work together next Tuesday. I am determined to end on good terms with all groups I work with.
The hard part for me of promoting peace is diffusing afterwards. My heart still carries anger today, and I am still shaken up. I think that is the next step, how do I resolve the situation, and then go back to focusing on what I need to do? How do I refocus my energy where it needs to be- in my own life?
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
3/19/09
Today is the first day of spring break, and I wanted to interview a social worker for my Government class project. I interviewed Janice Johnson at Concern to ask about the economy's effect on the field of social work. She was in the middle of several crises while I was intervieweing her, so she needed to keep popping out of the room to get things straightenned. The whole office seemed especially tense today, I could feel it. I tried to ask as much as possible with the precious little time she could afford today, but it got to the point where I felt uncomfortable in the office. 'I'm in their way' I thought. I asked one last question and then felt it was time for me to leave, so I said goodbye and thanked her for her time. I feel happy I could get this interview, because it will bring a Social Work perspective to the economic crisis into my government class, a perspective which I am sure I am the only one who looked into. Most people looked into businesses to see how they are suffering financially. The thought of giving this presentation makes me feel excited.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Tuesday 2/3/09
I'm not sure if this blog is going to come up for the people who are already following me on my weight loss blog, but if it does just let me know and I will make it private. I don't want to clog up your blog-stream type thing with non-weight loss related stuff. Then again if you don't mind and would like to read about my experiences, I will keep it public. Basically, I'm doing service for a children & youth organization and need to document my experiences, what I'm thinking and how I am feeling during my visits. The purpose of the assignment is to make a distinction between my feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, and to become more self-aware while deciding whether or not I like this type of placement.
Tuesday was my first day of service at the agency. When I walked into the office it seemed inviting, there were plaques on the wall with the mission statement, a few green plants, and a small radio playing soft music. The receptionist was nice, and I wasn't waiting very long. The supervisor came to get me, and then gave me a tour of the office. I was introduced to all of the case workers who all seemed very friendly, I felt happy and excited. The supervisor answered some questions I had about the field and her relationships with clients, how she dealt with it, the rewards that came out of this work.. I know that my work has to be satisfying to me, and that it has to be aligned with my core values. I felt very comfortable and connected with the supervisor. I was given a briefing on the rules of the office in terms of conduct and dress. I need to get some nice shoes and slacks this weekend.
After all the introductions, I went with a case worker to a home visit. This home was that of a foster mother, she had two children of her own as well as two foster children. When I walked in I felt strange. I am not used to being in an environment for children. There were toys everywhere, the house smelled like dogs and urine. I felt a little uncomfortable. I took little steps around the kids to find a spot on the couch. One of the children had MR and autism, and that was something else I was unfamiliar with. I wasn't sure how to act about that. I just nodded and said 'OK' when she told me that. The woman seemed agitated, and who wouldn't with four children, ranging in age from 2 to 7. She was also cheery. There were two flat screen televisions playing two separate movies, and the whole environment seemed chaotic, but under control. The caseworker and her got updated with some ongoing issues related to the foster children, which I was left out on because I didn't know the whole stories. I just observed the children and sat quietly. At one point, the mother pulled cotton out of the MR child's mouth. She then proceeded to explain that he has an eating disorder called Pica (pai-kah), in which people eat non food items. The cotton had come from the boy's diaper. At that moment I felt repulsed and my stomach turned, but I'm certain that I kept a straight face. I had never heard of Pica before, and I know it's important to empathize with the mother. I didn't know how to act or what to say. Another of the children, the youngest one had a bruise on his chest that the caseworker wanted to check out. I can tell how much she loves children, how she talked to him, picked him up, and tickled him. The bruise was very small, and she didn't think much of it. Her knowledge of development and of children in general was very impressive. Part of her job is to monitor the childrens' development.
The visit was finished and we then came back to the agency.
Tuesday was my first day of service at the agency. When I walked into the office it seemed inviting, there were plaques on the wall with the mission statement, a few green plants, and a small radio playing soft music. The receptionist was nice, and I wasn't waiting very long. The supervisor came to get me, and then gave me a tour of the office. I was introduced to all of the case workers who all seemed very friendly, I felt happy and excited. The supervisor answered some questions I had about the field and her relationships with clients, how she dealt with it, the rewards that came out of this work.. I know that my work has to be satisfying to me, and that it has to be aligned with my core values. I felt very comfortable and connected with the supervisor. I was given a briefing on the rules of the office in terms of conduct and dress. I need to get some nice shoes and slacks this weekend.
After all the introductions, I went with a case worker to a home visit. This home was that of a foster mother, she had two children of her own as well as two foster children. When I walked in I felt strange. I am not used to being in an environment for children. There were toys everywhere, the house smelled like dogs and urine. I felt a little uncomfortable. I took little steps around the kids to find a spot on the couch. One of the children had MR and autism, and that was something else I was unfamiliar with. I wasn't sure how to act about that. I just nodded and said 'OK' when she told me that. The woman seemed agitated, and who wouldn't with four children, ranging in age from 2 to 7. She was also cheery. There were two flat screen televisions playing two separate movies, and the whole environment seemed chaotic, but under control. The caseworker and her got updated with some ongoing issues related to the foster children, which I was left out on because I didn't know the whole stories. I just observed the children and sat quietly. At one point, the mother pulled cotton out of the MR child's mouth. She then proceeded to explain that he has an eating disorder called Pica (pai-kah), in which people eat non food items. The cotton had come from the boy's diaper. At that moment I felt repulsed and my stomach turned, but I'm certain that I kept a straight face. I had never heard of Pica before, and I know it's important to empathize with the mother. I didn't know how to act or what to say. Another of the children, the youngest one had a bruise on his chest that the caseworker wanted to check out. I can tell how much she loves children, how she talked to him, picked him up, and tickled him. The bruise was very small, and she didn't think much of it. Her knowledge of development and of children in general was very impressive. Part of her job is to monitor the childrens' development.
The visit was finished and we then came back to the agency.
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